ambivalence

well the last day of school is tomorrow, and the post title is pretty self-explanatory.
ahhh, who are we kidding, i'm totally psyched to finally be out of the hell that was freshman year.
anyway, onto more important things.
the 25th was me and my lovely girlfriend's one year anniversary, and guess what? we didn't even get to see each other the entire weekend ohoho!
but i did get us matching rings. mine says holmes, hers says watson, in tribute to sherlock holmes, obviously, which we both love with a passion.

courtesy of the seller on etsy

the seniors graduated on tuesday, and i attended the ceremony. i didn't cry, actually. i cried on the last day of journalism last week, though, because it was the last day with the seniors, obviously. and it's so strange to think that i have grown so close to people that i knew and will only have known for a year. but we spent every morning together, making memories, ranting angrily about feminism, laughing together, crying together. and i love them so much. i think i liked them so much because they were a change from the intellectually void freshman class. and because they were practically adults, who actually took me seriously, and accepted my opinions and thoughts as legitimate, unlike everyone else who dismisses my opinion as irrelevant simply because of my age. i will miss them, so much, though i feel like i love them more than they love me. but that's nothing new.

today was also my last day of theatre, which means a lot to me as well. i have a group of friends in there. we all have pretty sucky life stories and we all would come together every other day this semester and it was one of my favorite classes. we were all recovering self-harmers, and it felt so wonderful to have the love and support of other girls who knew what i was going through. my girlfriend is wonderful, don't be mistaken, but she just doesn't understand the intricacies of self-harm. one of them, the one that i would say i'm closest to, is moving away across the country to pennsylvania because a. it's too expensive for her and her mom to live here and b. they need to get away from her abusive father, which makes me incredibly sad. i know that being away from her dad will definitely be better for her, but she doesn't want to leave. she's terrible at making friends, and i feel like she'll be miserable there, and i'm afraid she'll relapse. on tuesday, she sat me down in theatre and gave me a long talk, looking straight at me, about how i'm one of the best friends and the best people she knows, and how i'm a better friend than the people she's been friends with for years, and that i'm a really great listener, and that it's great how i actually care, and a lot more and i teared up and i hugged her tight and oh god i will miss her so much and i will worry about her so much. 

autophobiia really is the best name for this blog. scroll back up and read the description and you'll see why. anyway it's late and this post sucks and i think i'm just sad and okay good night

there's some simplicity to sunshine

well. my ap bio exam was today. and i'm pretty sure everyone bombed it. but i'm just so glad that i don't have to stress out about it anymore, even if i got a 2 or a 1. finals week is next week, but that's okay. and i'm going to universal with my journalism class on friday!

i'm going to miss all my journalism friends who are going off to college in the fall. i'll miss their wit and their intellect, and our inside jokes, and playing the pokemon board game with them, complete with music playing on one of their phones.

Image courtesy of A Board Game a Day.

but i still have a few weeks to enjoy their presence..... before they leave me forever...............

AAAAANYWAY, song of the day today (and for the past few days) is Take Me Out by Tom Milsom. dude. i just. no words. 

i can't wait to meet this guy at vidcon omg uwu i can't wait for vidcon u/////w/////u

the final(s) countdown

it's been a while since i've posted, but it's not as if anyone's reading anyway
i've been so busy the past week! the end of the semester is near, so naturally i'm all in a buzz. finals (and my ap bio exam!!!) are coming up and meanwhile i'm blogging while i should be studying. but whatever. (just kidding i'll probably end up having a panic attack on sunday/monday ((the day of my ap exam)) hahahahaah.)
i feel ambivalence toward the end of the year. of course i'm looking forward to summer and all the adventures i'll have, but i'll also be losing a good number of my friends, who will be leaving our lil' small town high school and going off to college. it's weird to think that in three years, i too will be on that path. i'm glad that i've at least figured out what i want to do once i reach that point; journalism. i love it, i live it, i breathe it. before, like two weeks ago, i had no idea what i wanted to do. but now... i do.
oh, but speaking of my lil' small town high school, it was on the news recently!
someone started a rumour over the weekend that there was a threat of someone bringing a gun to school on monday
naturally, only about half of the student population showed up to school on monday.
i can testify first-hand that absolutely
nothing
happened
yet there were still several news trucks and lots of police... scary stuff :O

in other news, after years of waiting, i will finally be the proud owner of a canon dslr next week, hopefully by tuesday!
it's only a t3i (no tengo dinero owo) but i'm still excited considering that i've only ever owned point-and-shoots
now i can't complain about stupid teenage girl fashion bloggers who don't know how to shoot having nice cameras and me not having one BECAUSE I WILL HAVE ONE. IT WILL BE MINE. AT LAST.
i'm gonna spend the whole summer taking cool piczz and filming cool vids, because i seriously doubt anyone will hang out with me hAH but who needs friends when you have a cool camera right

me and my lovely girlfriend, amanda's, one year anniversary is coming up in two weeks :00 i'm so very excited! we're going to have a movie marathon at my friend michael's house, and i'm gonna give her a super cool gift that i'm not going to talk about on here in case she decides to go on this blog ;3

tonight i went to see the school musical, the robber bridegroom. as usual, they did a bang-up job.
i also took some really cool pictures!!! i'm quite proud of them, so i'll post them here (((for no one to see)))

song of the day is what a waste by sonic youth♡

(live version, sorry /:)

piczz from the robber bridegroom!

i love this picture :3

aw man this girl's dancing was so beautiful, wish i'd captured more.

i thought this was definitely a cool pic!

another one of my favs. 

good composition, terrible pose. 

terrible composition, good pose /.\

well, this is farewell nonexistent readers! (except for amanda hai amanda)

how strange it is to be anything at all

i've only been listening to neurtral milk hotel for the past few days

(holland, 1945)

also a dumb selfie for y'all feat. my beatles shirt

(background cred to pixel beach on soundcloud)

and i think i'll start doing a song of the day thing here so yeah today's is strawberry bubblegum by jt 

i've had a nice day so far, i hope you (if there is a you) are too!